One Last Time-

I knew what I had done as soon as the door closed. A single tear fell from my eye as I reached into my pocket to pull out a small razor blade; just about the size of your thumb. As I smeared the razor between my fingers, making sure not to remove any of the existing blood; I could feel my heart finally begin to regulate.
Then I heard a creek come from down the stairs, it sounded like the front door opened. I quickly ran into the bathroom to grab a few peices of toilet paper to lay across my arm to keep any drip from falling down.
"Denim! Are you home? It's Dad." I could hear my Dad yelling from down below, as he took off his shoes. "If your here, come down, I want to talk to you."
"One minute! Just putting on a new shirt." Well I was putting on a new shirt, but that was only because the old one was covered in a red crust that I could not possibly hide.
And so I calmly went down the stairs, my hands and arms behind my back, my arm quivering from the friction of cloth against my newly made wounds.
"Are you feeling OK?" My dad inquired, curious of my random squirms.
"Oh, just fine, I replied" Unsure of how to answer.
"You dont look so well. Maybe I'm just tired."
"I'm sure thats it, Dad."
"Well, anyway, I just wanted to let you know that your grandmother went into the hospital, grandpa found her at 4am this morning of the ground convulsing. I guess she overdosed on Ambient or something. She hasn't woken up yet."
I stood in shock, maybe even in fear, at the news that was presented before me. I could barely withstand hearing those words again, no... not again.
"Hey Denim, whats that on your arm? Are you bleeding?"
"Oh, that" I shivered in pain, "Its nothing. Just a little cut I guess."
"We'll let me see it, I want to make sure its not infected before you put a bandaid on it."
"Oh, no, thats OK Dad, thanks anyway."
"No, please, I just want to make sure your cut wont get infected."
He took a quick jab for my arm, he missed the sleeve but rubbed hard against my wounds.
"Ouch!" I couldnt help but yell.
"Whats that? Denim! Let me see your arm right now!."
I could feel my eyes holding back a single tear as I slowly raised my sleeve to reveal the numerous cuts and slashed across my fore arm.
"Denim... explain yourself."
"I... I... I..." I didn't know what to say.
"Well... I..." Words just couldn't escape my mouth.
Finally I broke down into a waterfall of salty tears, collapsing into my fathers arms.
"I..." Sniffles, "I just couldnt stop. One, and then another, and then another... it made me feel... alive."
I can't even begin to fathom the intensity of what I said.
"Well... I..." My father was hesitant, but proceeded to speak anyway, "Is this because of grandma?"
"Well... some of it. SOme of it is because of school, and work, and... just life."
"I've been doing it for a few years now; every time I just can't figure something out; or I feel like complete shit. I do it, and I feel better... so much better."
A saw then something I never thought I would ever see in my entire life. It was like the entire spectrum of light, all condensed to the width of my father's wide eyes.
And then, without a whisper or a word, my father stood up, took a step back, looked me straight in the eye and said, "Your mother will be wondering where I am, so I better get back to the hospital to see your grandmother. If your up for it... you can come later if you like."
I just stood there, mentally deconstructed and naked in front of my father; until finally I had to speak.
"OK... I guess I'll see you later." I squeezed out my tight, exausted throat as I begged myself not to burst into tears again.
"Alright, Well... Bye."
My father turned around, walked out the door, and shut it carelessly behind him.
"Well... there's only one thing left for me here." I whispered to myself.
And so I walked back up the stairs, an evil grin upon my face, and made my way to the door that I had just recently closed; as if just to gaze upon the luminous letters painted across the door:

"And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!"

And so I opened the gateway, and looking deep into the darkness, I saw a single shimmering light... my eyes fixated upon it... I walked to it, entranced by its singular beauty.

And now, laying across this god forsaken floor, I find myself broken... frayed, alone. But not for long; for soon I will be with everything I could ever want to be.
And so I enter into the abyss... the lifeless progression of nothingness that no one could ever possibly imagine.

And into the shadow my soul shall lay,
Silently followed by Deaths cruel way-
his way I follow, for a better tomorrow,
to put a final end, to this bitter, bitter day.